Trampoline Breath » Uncategorized

The Way You Move Is A Mystery

Polarbearface — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 01:28:45 +0000

I never thought I’d be the first to say, that damn, I’d like to get a motorcycle because you know what sucks? Being hot and having to walk your bike 3 miles back from the bank that you didn’t make it to because you got a flat, and forgot to pack your air pump. Just in case no one is reading this, that’s sarcasm. But if you are reading this, then it’s still sarcasm. My humor these days is like this:

I know, double you tea ef?

So, wheels. Yeah, everyone I know in Austin has a ride. Except 5 or 6 people. I know 4 people with cars. 5 people with motorized 2 wheel driving contraptions, and 2 people like myself, with proper peddling simple machines. If all of the people with cars need to be on a train leaving Chicago at 4PM, and headed to Hertfordshire by the following day (airfare / boatfare not included in equation package); and the 5 people with 2-wheel motorized driving contraptions are on a land boat, traveling approximately 55 MPH, roughly around the same time the train is leaving (except 2 weeks prior) — when will the 2 people like myself most likely meet up for beers on Sunday? Anyone? No one? Well. Well, does anyone remember this remarkably well-shot scene:

“Dude, I booked this conference room. Not you. So get out.”

“

“What, but I thought, that — wait. Is this a joke? This is a joke isn’t it?”

“Yes. It is.”

“Yawn…I wonder what Linda’s doing now…probably programming another me, hehe…”

“You know I really shouldn’t let it bother me, but it does, like, what does she think she’s doing?”

“You know this is stupid. I shouldn’t be mad. Ha, I’m not getting mad over another identical me, that’s – Life. Life happens, and you just gotta roll with it.”

“Come to think of it, I just feel like a lot of my time is spent worrying about stuff like that.”

“I need to just, relax. Not get mad at the little things.”

“You know what. I’m gonna turn over a new leaf. Out with all that negativity. In with some real positive change.”

You know, I have to say, I’m real glad I don’t work for the office anymore. That life was weird. I felt weird, like I was a business dude, always working, always making the big bucks, always on top of my business, and making conference calls, and giving lectures in leadership. I mean, the life, the drinks, the free access into booty-town, the booty-town corporate events, booty-town in the conference room at midnight, I mean… Just kidding. Booty-town is something I just made up. But my bosses had plenty of that. But things between us, just didn’t sit right. I knew what they were up to. And I left. Because we all know what happens when you stick around.

Self-Control via 1983

Polarbearface — Fri, 30 May 2008 23:45:31 +0000

This is only as real as you want it to be.

The fun thing about riding around in planes, is that it gets you closer to heaven. But it doesn’t have to be all that bad. In fact, there is a bucket load of new safety technology coming out these days that absolutely profess new and interesting trajectories in flying transportation. But aside from all of that business, can I just say that I think science is just amazing!

There is a lot of talk about the housing market these days. And I completely understand what it’s like to live in a place that is just, downright, miserable. Plenty of people are just, fuggin givin up these days. And really, who can blame them? Renting is in, buying is out. Except in places like, Houston. But we all know that Houston is going to be eaten alive when cars come to life.

Which will happen.

I used to live in Houston, and believe it to be one of the strangest cities to live in. Strictly speaking, I would not wish to die there. That would be a bizarre circus of hell that I would prefer to not put up with. But dying itself is an interesting concept. Lots of people do it. I wonder if the afterlife will be anything like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fhh4q26chRA

Because if it is. I want to not do the dying.

Sad times, indeed…

Why the hell are superheros not allowed to drink? Like that one scene from Superman III, where Superman goes into a pub for some reason who cares that his business, and has a Jameson on the rox, dumps the peanuts bowl over shoots up the liquor shelf like it’s Lex Luther’s face and then kicks his own ass. So what? Everyone’s got that, dark side. But I mean, this is old news, this happens to everyone at one point or another:

And unfortunately, this happened to me the other night. And it was, really bad. But then I kicked my own ass, and thusly, renewed my wholesome spirit.

Fin

PS: I actually found the video online, but when I reloaded the page, it had been removed. LAME.

Thunder Gods, lighten up?

Polarbearface — Thu, 15 May 2008 20:19:46 +0000

Well, I guess this means we’ll take the bus.

I’ve never really understood what it meant to be a victim, as the actual word itself seems like a never-ending type cast character out some television show that’s been on since the beginning of time. And I suppose I should have acted a bit more affright than I did. But the events last night, are more like the comical misunderstandings of this guy. It’s comical only because it was JUST my equipment that was molested. All other equipment was left alone, and in pristine condition.

So, many of you might be wondering just what went on last night. Seeing how Austin, TX is the brightest center of the Universe Proper, it would be hard to not know what happened.

My preciousss….

Above are my two children, Murphy and Le Freque. Both were raped by the Thunder Gods last night, and if you look close, you can see a bit of leaf on Freqs. He was scared, both of them, utterly terrified of what happened. Their friends, Mixie, and DeLaydre, were equally terrified. Unfortunately, Mixie, got the worst of it all. Below is THE ONLY WINDOW that was blown out by hail, and also a perfect example of why screens are important — and more importantly, why landlords should have screens on all windows prior to move in.

The kids are drying out now. Face down on the carpet. If they cease to work properly by later today then I will let all of you know. But, probably not until my tears have dried up. Well, as I always used to say…these things, happen…

I suppose more importantly, if they do end up working perfectly, then they were not raped nor molested — they were instead, lovingly blessed by the Mother Goddess of the Skies; she has sanctified my gear.

… on many levels, I feel honored this very moment…

“Mm.meh.fhdfkj mother bitches jdfkdj ass djfdjk 39*@#*& shit!!!”

Although it’s probably old news by now, I just wanted to add that my favorite author, Vladimir Nabokov, through miracles of modern medical science — CAME BACK TO LIFE.

“His cell regeneration was probably the most difficult procedure, but we’re all very happy that he came out of cellular modulator pod quite unscathed by the electrofunkullator process. Unfortunately, he was not very happy and decided to condescend to us for about 45 minutes before nurses subdued him.” Reported head scientist Rick Stickleson of American Regenerative Labs, Inc.

The process was used in order to have Mr. Nabokov finish his last novel, “Laura“.