There is no stopping the elements that made us.

Last day of class. Last day of this semester. Last day of having to go to “The Place That Hurts”. 1 week from tomorrow, all will be done. The summer will have started for me.

If it can die, it can be killed.

It has been a long, heavy semester. I never want to repeat this past semester. I’ve heard that these years can be hard for most students. I hear that it’s like ripping a 4-year long metal stake out of your side. 

Migraine Bulbs

I couldn’t sleep last night, and was in desperate need of something to kill the pain behind my eyes. I was tired, but my eyes were still awake, waiting for more stimulation. I don’t wish this pain for anyone. 

Estoy muriendo…

Just to think…only one year left. One year left of doing this all over again. I am in an infinite loop, where all the good things in life, appear only as shiny, distant unobtainable memories awaiting their occurance. Burning stars in the darkest black.

Sometimes I just sit at home and listen to Evangelos Odysseas Papathanassiou over and over. Blade Runner Blues…it’s no gimmick, I feel like one of those, replicants that needs family photos to presuppose its existence. 

What I remember from this picture is this: my brother playing with my presents, resulting in the death of my action figures (via our golden retriever, Brandie). Not a happy ending for Luke and Bo…Plastic Mauling.

You are no sardonic chess game, you can go now.

I find words to be incredibly taxing at this point, and I don’t feel like cooperating with the conventional standards…and don’t get me wrong. It’s not because I’m trying to care.

 I just no longer have that. Feeling.

Your moves are predictable and your credit history sucks.

Have you ever eaten metal out of a jello container…? Because I have, and now I’m guarded as hell. Tambien, I have my eyes set on ripcords, freefalling, and the possibility of bravery. 

I feel frozen by your bullshit. Go to hell.

The prospect of having a career and kid by 30 is so goddam backwards and out of reach that I’ve started a Facebook fan page called “Go Fuck Yourself, Life’s Over”. You should join. 

Press here.

I know this person, she’s cool. I’ve seen her breasts, and she’s seen my chest. We’re practically incompatible, and I’m okay with that. She reminds me of everything Tracey Emin wants to say but can’t. But then again, she’s not Tracey Emin. You bore me.

I dream of pancakes and bacon on a daily basis.

I am still amazed by the concept of personality. Once, when living in Brooklyn, I went to a loft party. It was December, and I was 25. It was loud, crazy, lots of music, some fights, and I got home late. There’s nothing magical about love at 5am on a subway. It’s just life. Deal with it.

It seems to be that way…

Early Saturday morning, I had a fleeting thought. That all of the bad things that I’ve done, and all the moments in between then and now — that everything was suddenly unstuck. And the end was, within reach.

1, 2, 3, 4…

I wish I could say the same thing, I wish I could do the same thing, I wish I knew the same people, I wish I was a people. I wish I I wish, I wish I wait. Wish…………………………………………………………sick.

I can’t sleep unless I dream of flying. Then I will have slept.

I have had the worst sleep lately. It’s mating season, and all of the birds wake me up at 6:35 a.m. without fail. There is no way around this; it’s like every bird is rehearsing for a fucking part in a Disney movie. And. It. Blows.

Things haven’t been normal, ever.

Everyone has secrets. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose; but everyone has secrets. And when you’re found alone, just a shell, it’s up to the good people to interpret what you once were. And how you got that way.

In just a few weeks time, I will see you open road.

In a month, I will be on the open road. Headed across the grand US, looking for something, looking to lose something, looking to make amends with my spirit animals. All of the above.

And in the night, we all see our true strength.

Our bodies are getting old. It’s terrible. We can’t stay at a certain age forever, we are physically bound! And it’s such a waste of thought to think otherwise. No one has ever lived forever. And that’s what really pisses me off. Because if at least 1 person did — there would be a probability that 1 other could too.

Blood, Blood, Blood, bloodblood, Blood, Blood..bloodblood

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